


Tail As Old As Time

by miriad



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-20
Updated: 2006-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miriad/pseuds/miriad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When people laugh at Mickey Mouse, it's because he's so human; and that is the secret of his popularity." - Walt Disney</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tail As Old As Time

**Author's Note:**

> Written for undermistletoe 2006.

It's not just that he's told them again and again to be careful with anything that they can't identify right away. It's that they always try to do things when he steps out of the room and he always seems to get caught in whatever mess they've created when he steps back into the room. Which sucks.

This time he's just stepped out for a snack, a mid-mid-morning snack, you know, just to keep the blood sugar level up, and he's busy licking the chocolate from his fingers when he walks in on Kavanaugh and Simpson having a knockdown, drag out fight. Only without, you know, the actual knocking down and dragging out. As per usual, Rodney himself seems to be at the center of the argument, although where this one started and where it's going is not something that Rodney ever gets a chance to figure out.

In-between Kavanaugh yelling something about Rodney being more mouse than man and Simpson screaming back that at least Rodney gets to go through the stargate, the device on the table between them lights up, then starts spinning. Before Rodney can say anything more than "Hey!" a beam of green light shoots from the center of the device and hits him squarely in the middle of his chest. As the room fades to black, Rodney can hear the Colonel's voice behind him, asking what's up.

*****

When he wakes up, Rodney is cradled in a pair of very large, very tan hands reeking of gun oil and hair pomade. He almost gags until he figures out he can hold his breath while he wriggles to the open space at the top of the set of hands, where he gulps at the air as though he's been under water. He can feel the body belonging to the hands still, freezing in place and he doesn't even care, just taking in the fresh air.

And then it hits him. He's being held in someone's hands and that means that he's… he looks down at himself and is both shocked and not at all at the fact that not only is he a mouse but he's a naked mouse. He'd be pissed if he weren't so sure that it had been far too long since something weird and totally fucked up happened to either him or Sheppard. He holds his tiny mouse paws on his tiny mouse arms out in front of him then lets them drop to his side, sighing as best he can with his tiny mouse lungs.

When he's quite satisfied that he's had his moment of resignation and mild panic, he takes a quick look behind him, just to verify what he's sure he already knows. Colonel Sheppard has him and it looks like it's a standoff between the science staff, Beckett and John. Rodney is only mildly surprised at his sense of relief to find that Sheppard is keeping him from all the grubby little paws- oh, god- that seem to want to poke and prod him. Sheppard understands, more than anyone else ever could and that totally works for Rodney.

The argument boils down to the fact that they don't know what happened or how it happened and until then, they think that Rodney should stay under supervision. Beckett has a small wire cage that he's decked out with what appears to be all the latest developments in mouse technology- a wheel and a water bottle. Great.

But Sheppard pulls his hands in towards his chest, closing Rodney in but not squishing him, arguing against cages and labs and what if someone were to grab the wrong mouse? No, thanks, but no thanks, Rodney's gonna stay with Sheppard until things get worked out. End of story. Rodney thinks he might love Sheppard a little bit after that and he's glad that he doesn't have a voice or he might say something that he shouldn't.

*****

Rodney figures out how to travel in style, clinging to Sheppard's shirt, right at the seam so that his little claws will have something sturdy to hold on to without scratching John through the cloth. He rides high, above everyone, as it should be, he thinks on occasion, before remembering that he's a freaking mouse and lets that train of thought slide right on by him.

Mouse!Rodney still has problems with his blood sugar. After the incident where John keeps working and Rodney keeps sitting on his shoulder until he falls over, practically in a coma from low blood sugar after only a few hours, John starts carrying mouse chow, as they'd dubbed it, everywhere. Bits of corn, wheat, dried carrots and various other grains that Athosians grow out on the mainland, it's tasty to Rodney's mouse sensibilities, as well as citrus-free, so all in all a win. Now, as John walks the halls, Rodney on his shoulders, they leave a small trail of mouse chow crumbs, marking their path from point A to point B.

John talks to him like Rodney can answer back. He carries on his side of the conversation as though Rodney had answered and the funny thing is that what he assumes Rodney would say is right about 95 percent of the time. It's scary, actually, and Rodney wishes he could frown but his mouth is too small and no one would be able to tell that's what he was doing anyway so he doesn't even bother after a while.

They've been staying home and not going on missions, ever since Rodney went all Mickey Mouse. He can tell that Sheppard is getting a bit restless but John doesn't say anything and he never takes that tone of his with Rodney when he talks about Lorne's team taking the missions that would have been Sheppard's, had his entire team actually been, you know, human.

Rodney knows the day is coming when he won't be an excuse to stay home and someone else will have to be cycled in to his spot on the gate team. He doesn't like the idea but he knows that Elizabeth will push Zelenka on them and that's the best choice that they have currently so he doesn't mind all that much. He just doesn't want to be there when the conversation actually occurs between Sheppard and Elizabeth.

*****

In the end, the whole thing goes down with a bang, as Lorne's team gets trapped on some backwater planet that was supposed to be people and Genii free but the intel turns out to be wrong on both counts. The Genii want Sheppard, demand him actually, claiming he's wanted for war crimes and as much as Elizabeth doesn't want to send John through the gate, Lorne and his people are waiting for the Colonel to do something, to pull a rescue out of his ass and John isn't the kind that can turn his back on his people. Ever. Never has Rodney been more aware of this then while he's sitting on Sheppard's shoulder, nibbling mouse chow, feeling the way Sheppard's pulse accelerates the more he hears about the current situation. This is what Sheppard is supposed to be doing, saving people and making a difference, not mouse sitting.

Rodney climbs down from his perch on John's shoulder all on his own, his way of telling Sheppard that it's okay, he needs to go. Sheppard tells Rodney, as he's adding various pieces of this and that to the pockets of his vest that Rodney needs to stay on Atlantis, needs to be safe so that John doesn't have to worry. Rodney feels it deep in his little mouse gut that if he actually listens to Sheppard, then John will never make it back home. He isn't sure if it's a sudden ability to see into the future or just some random mouse intuition but Rodney knows that he can't ignore it.

Human Rodney would be laughing at this, at a decision made based on feelings but mouse Rodney knows better so he pretends to curl up in the corner, under a few old t-shirts that John let him have for nesting purposes. Hidden in the folds of the cloth, Rodney pretends to burrow in, then makes his way on tiny, quiet mouse feet to John's pack and slides into one of the front pockets. He slips between a random power bar and an unopened glow stick, still in its crinkly package.

It's a different feeling, riding in the bag and not on John's shoulder, but it isn't bad. He can hear everything, although it's muffled and echoes weirdly around the nylon enclosure. He can smell the puddle jumper before he can see it, can feel the vibrations from the various systems thrumming through him before he can hear them. It feels like home, comfortable and comforting.

Rodney sneaks out of the bag and hides in the paneling above the cargo hold as soon as Sheppard stows his gear and takes the pilot’s chair. No one notices Rodney up there and he watches Sheppard pilot as thought he was born to do it. Which, Rodney believes, he was. It's all instinct and moves so ingrained in him that they flow like water from his hands to the consol before him. The ride is smooth, if a bit faster than they normally travel, but Rodney clings to his position with his tiny claws.

The trip through the wormhole is the same as it always is and Rodney is faintly disappointed, hoping that his size would affect the experience, give him something to study when he finally returns to his human size and shape. He doesn't throw up, thank god, and that leads him to wonder if mice actually can.

They can hear the fire fight before they see it. The Genii have certainly pulled out all the heavy artillery that they have and, catching them by surprise, have Lorne's team trapped. There is no puddle jumper- Lorne and company walked from the gate, just exploring without a specific location in mind. There's enough room in Sheppard's for Lorne's team, especially if they don't mind being a bit up close and personal and in a life or death situation, that's not usually a problem.

The problem is that the jumper doesn’t have any weapons, no way to defend themselves from the Genii onslaught, and they don’t have any way of getting to Lorne without lowering the shield. It’s a position that Sheppard hates to be in but Rodney knows that they’re in it far too often. He watches John’s face as it tightens, closes up and all of a sudden, it’s the Colonel and his unilateral decisions regarding the safety of his people. If Rodney could groan his disapproval, he would.

Sheppard sets the jumper down behind a line of trees and foliage, opening the hatch enough for Teyla, Ronon and Zelenka to slip out and hide themselves. He takes off again, slowly, towards the Genii position. With a flick of his wrist, he has the jumper filtering through the various radio frequencies, looking for the one the Genii are using. When he finds it, they are broadcasting a pre-recorded message directing him to land the jumper at a specific location and to open the hatch, without any tricks. If he can do this, his men will not be hurt.

Sheppard’s hands grip the steering control, knuckles whitening with the pressure. Rodney stays where he is but his feet want him to move, to go forward and do something, damn it. There just isn’t anything that he can do.

John sets the jumper down, softly. The coordinates are not anywhere close to where Lorne and his people were being held and Rodney gets the sinking feeling that this is all a set up and they’re all going to die. But Ronon and Teyla are out there and he and John are in here and things will be… awful because what the hell is he going to do in his current mouse status? Nothing but watch everyone else try to fight for their lives. This totally sucks.

The shield goes down and the back hatch opens with a soft hiss. Before it’s even completely open, there is a swarm of Genii in the jumper and they’ve all got a hate on for Sheppard. John stands, raises his hands above his head, the good captive, but the Genii don’t seem to care. The leader of this group is tall, lanky but obviously muscled and thuggish. His eyes are what scare Rodney- dark and full of crazy. He carries a long stick reminiscent of a fireplace poker but with a small ball at the tip. It isn’t for shaking hands, that much Rodney knows, whiskers frantically trying to catch any sort of information that might help him get the Colonel out of this increasing dangerous mess.

With the Thuggish One are a female soldier and three goons that actually look like they could be triplets. There is talk about war crimes, murder, blah blah blah, Rodney stops listening but watches Sheppard’s face and how angry he is. He knows how much John hates these guys, how much he wishes that these people would just catch the fucking clue bus and get what is really happening out here in Pegasus but they just won’t listen. It’s frustrating and it may just get them all killed.

The Thug, done talking apparently, thrusts out with his stick and hits Sheppard in the shoulder. Electric current surges from the tip of the stick and writhes around Sheppard, bringing him to his knees. He tries to get up, lunges forward at Thug, reaching for the barrel of the stun weapon but Thug gets him in the neck, electricity bringing Sheppard up off the floor then slamming him back down to it as the weapon disengages. Oh shit.

Thug hits him once, twice more but John stays on his knees, gasping and making a keening noise that Rodney’s not sure he’s ever heard before but Sheppard’s still upright. Another hit to the midsection with the stun stick bends John forward until one of the triplets steps over to him and grabs his hair- not the hair!- pulling him back up. His face up, Thug punches out, catching John clean in the nose, which breaks with a sickening crunch. The other three join in, kicking and hitting in no particular order. Sheppard gives it a noble effort, swinging out, trying to get his feet underneath him but it just doesn’t work. Rodney sees John’s eyes roll back in his head and then he’s gone and Rodney is all alone in the jumper.

It’s at this point that Rodney knows that it’s all on him. His friend, who has cared for him in his ridiculous mouse state from the beginning, never once letting Rodney become an experiment, is being slowly but surely beaten to death in front of him on the jumper floor and it’s at this point that Rodney finally gets it. It was never about John, never about Lorne but all about the jumpers. The Genii want the tech and they want it badly enough to come up with this crazy plan to get one. And if they’re lucky, get Sheppard in the process.

Well, they may have Sheppard, for the moment. But Rodney won’t let them take the jumper. Oh, no. He can’t help John but this, this he can do.

He takes a quick glance at the wiring and crystal set up near him. There isn’t anything here that can really muck up the works, at least not in a way that will get what he wants. The real nasty stuff is under the control consol so Rodney decides to head that way. But he has five very large, angry Genii in his way so he climbs deeper into the panel he’s currently hiding in, trying to remember exactly what conduits connect with what and if there are any pipes or crystals that he can knock out of place on his way down.

He slides on the slick alloy and tries to keep his balance as he scurries over Thug’s head. John is bleeding, a pool of blood under him, his face a bloody, pulpy mess. Rodney wants to throw up, not only for the view but the sounds that are coming from below. A wet thwack as another fist connects with Sheppard’s nose echoes up to Rodney’s tiny but incredibly good mouse ears. He closes his eyes for a moment, to try and collect himself, get himself together as he plans for his big mission, no pun intended. It’s at that point that Rodney loses his footing and takes a mighty tumble.

He lands squarely on John’s shoulder but can’t get a good grip and slides across the now slick fabric, tumbling onto the jumper floor. The woman sees him and stomps out with a boot, trying to squish him. He squeaks (please, God, don’t let Sheppard hear that!) and scurries away, the grated flooring allowing him a bit more grip. One of the triplets sees him and, tearing his attention away from pummeling the shit out of Sheppard, he, too, tries to stomp on Rodney.

But Rodney has an advantage of size, or the sheer lack of it, and he slides under the control panel, missing a boot to the head by the skin of his teeth. Wheezing and huffing, he tries to climb up but has to take second, a second that he doesn’t really have, to stop and rest. When his heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode out of his chest, he starts his climb up. But he stops to listen- it’s too quiet. They’ve stopped hitting John and that’s bad. It means that either he’s already dead or at least close to it and they’re ready to get moving.

Rodney doesn’t know how far they are from where John dropped Ronon and Teyla. It would be cool if they would show up, the cavalry and all that, but he doesn’t think they’re coming. *He’s* the cavalry and the cavalry says that no one is taking his jumper. No way.

He’s up, in the crystals and wires faster than he ever thought he could climb and he’s pulling at this crystal, tearing at that wire and nothing is happening. He doesn’t want anything to blow up, not with he and John in the damn thing but a visible reaction to his work would make him feel better. He gets a bit higher into the panel and he sees the mother lode- the navigation crystals and the connection from the power source to the controls. If he were to pull out any of those crystals, the jumper would be dead in the water. All the shields, navigation, lights, you name it, they’d bite it. Eureka!

He speeds towards it and almost slides right by the damn thing before he can get control of the mousy feet beneath him. With a quick wrench, he grabs onto one of the crystals and pulls, remembering only as he does it, that you never touch those crystals without the proper gear, as they can electrify your dumb ass and proceeds to fry beneath the consol.

The lights go out at once, the hum of machinery stops and Rodney McKay’s burnt, electrocuted little mouse body drops from the panel, crystal still clutched in his tiny paws, landing on the flooring directly beside the Colonel. Neither one are breathing.

*****

There are a few things that run through Rodney’s mind when he wakes up. One is that he thought he was going to die and unless this is a very off version of hell, then he isn’t dead. The second is that things look a lot smaller than they did the last time he had been awake and while he can’t lift his hands at the moment, he can rub his fingers together and they aren’t furry and don’t end in tiny claws. He’s obviously human again and while that makes him feel better, he has a sudden need to see Sheppard, which does not make him feel better.

He can’t move particularly well and he finds that he’s restrained to the bed. It’s still Carson’s infirmary- he can hear the Scot from across the room- so he doesn’t freak out just yet. He is able to turn his head slightly and while there is nothing to the right, there is a John Sheppard directly to his left. Battered, bruised, on multiple IV’s but John Sheppard none the less and Rodney smiles before slipping back into the dark.

*****

He gets the run down in the bits and pieces of consciousness that he’s allowed.

A story involving Ronon, Teyla, big guns, Zelenka’s fast fingers and Simpson offering a reconfigured version of the device with the thought that mouth to mouth isn’t exactly easy to do on a mouse so they might as well try it, rolls out from various people both involved and just part of the gossip mill. Rodney, small as he was at the time, had his life saved by a beer cooler and a bag of ice, freezing his body until they could get him home. Sheppard wasn’t as lucky. His heart had stopped and he wasn’t breathing. Rodney would call that dead but he wasn’t really saying much as Elizabeth told him the story. Whatever actually happened, whatever details were involved, Beckett worked miracles and by the end of the day, both John and Rodney were alive and the size and shape (mostly) they were supposed to be.

Rodney isn’t sure what to believe. The basics are the same but the little details are different and he’s a man who has based a large portion of his career on the little details. He just wants Sheppard to wake up and tell him directly that he’s fine, that he’ll be fine. It’s just a little quirk that Rodney has, knowing that his friends are okay. Ronon is fine, Teyla is okay and Zelenka has a few stories of adventure that he keeps trying to tell Rodney but slips into Czech before he can get to the good stuff.

It’s during one of Ronon’s silent visits that Sheppard opens his eyes, groans and turns towards Rodney. Rodney, trying to engage Ronon in an actual conversation and failing miserably, barely catches the groan and turns his own head towards it. Sheppard is a mess, his face looks like ground beef and his poor nose will never be the same. But he’s awake and breathing on his own and Rodney smiles so hard at him that he’s sure that he’s broken something in his face. Sheppard tries to smile, grimaces and goes for a slight upward quirk of his mouth. Then he closes his eyes and goes back to sleep but it’s enough.

Ronon is still sitting next to Rodney and with Sheppard sleeping, on his way to better but not there yet; Rodney can let himself lay back down and closes his eyes.


End file.
